"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."(Hebrews 12:2, NIV)
Shame and guilt are tools that only come from one source-Satan himself. God does not use those tools to train his children, it is not in his nature. He came us to save us from these things.
God does use humbling, Godly remorse, and conviction of sin. These things are very very different from shame and guilt. If you look up shame in the dictionary, one of the meanings you will find there is "dishonor and disgrace". God does not ever do this to his children. He is a God of honor and grace- the complete opposite of these things! I am not saying that he doesn't have consequences for sin, and judges us accordingly, but as I said before, his motives and methods are different. His great love for us compels him to die for our sins, not to rub them in our face and dishonor us with our sin.
Have you ever seen someone under the heavy weight of shame? I have...My husband. The hope was gone from his eyes, the weight was so heavy it looked as if it was hard to even stand. "I am not worth it" was his response when I told him that I loved him. What a heavy weight to bear....what a lie from the pit of hell.
Shame does not offer hope, it does not offer a clear path out, it does not point to the cross.
I hope you don't desire your husband to feel shame or guilt for the things he has done. I know that I desired that at one point in my life..."put him to shame" oh I feel sick when I remember that I ever hoped for that. I thought that if he felt true guilt and shame, that it would drive some radical transformation in his life...just the opposite my friends. Those tools do not offer the hope and joy of Christ!
If you want God's great and wonderful purposes in your husband and in your marriage, it is time to change your prayers. Pray PROTECTION from the enemy's tools of guilt and shame, for they will only drive your husband to despair. Pray for Godly remorse, humility that brings wisdom, and true conviction of sin. All of these things have the hope of the cross at the end. They all come with a clear path out. God will meet your husband when he can come out from under shame and run to the cross, to find the grace, mercy, and hope that is poured out there.
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." (Proverbs 11:2, NIV)
God, give us as wives, the humility and wisdom we need as well. We know that even though our husband's sin inflicts pain, we are no better. We all have sin that separates us from you and we would be nothing without you. Let us move forward with humility in our prayers for our husbands, not prayers of vengeance, but of hope, agape love, and in agreement with your perfect will for our families. Protect every woman who is reading this, and cover her family from shame and guilt in your perfect love, wrap them in peace and hope. Amen