“We fall when we walk in fear instead of faith.”- Jon Hohm (Pastor)
Nothing God wants to do in your life will ever be accomplished because he “scared” you into it. And the great plans that he has for your life can and WILL be interrupted when you let fear hold you back. As my pastor spoke about this, I was reminded of the time in my life, soon after Ray had told me of his infidelity, when I decided that if I just controlled everything in our life, I would be safe. Of course I never made this decision consciously. No, it was deeply rooted in my subconscious, but wow did it have a powerful hold on me. I began to obsess about every aspect of my husband’s life. If he had to work late, I would call his work phone just to make sure that was where he really was. If he wanted to go out with the guys, I would call every hour looking for some clue that he had lied to me. I totally managed all of our social activities and had him on a very short leash.
Now it is so easy to judge the women around us who do this. We find them to be a nag, a control freak, or just a b****. When we do these things ourselves, we never think that we have become that person; I know I lived in denial of it for a long time. I want to offer us a Godly insight into the lives of the women like this. They are driven by fear!! I didn’t control everything because my personality is just that way, or because it made me feel powerful. I did it because I was scared. I was afraid of being hurt again. If I could control everything around my husband, maybe I would be safe; maybe he wouldn’t hurt me again. Fear had me by the throat. I remember times I felt paralyzed by fear. I would lay in bed waiting for Ray to get home just ready to attack him for being 5 minutes late, automatically assuming he was up to no good. I would even avoid looking at email or the bank account for fear of seeing that he had purchased porn again. So, I locked every computer, took away cell phones, or whatever I saw necessary, as if I was his mother….So SAD. As I did this, the opposite of my intention would unfold; Ray resented my mothering and nagging and just fell deeper away from me and God. Fear does terrible things, when we allow it to rule us. As God allowed me to see this about myself it did 2 things for me.
- It allowed me to truly deal with the fear I was being controlled by. I know when your husband breaks your trust, it feels like you will never trust again. But take hope in the truth that GOD was with you every step of the way and will be for the rest of your journey. HE can be trusted even when you don’t feel like you can trust others. When I began to put my trust in the ONE who could protect me, and released Ray to him, I felt peace for the first time. I didn’t have to worry about whether or not Ray would fall again. I knew that no matter what happened, I would be protected by my father in heaven who wants to see Ray succeed even more than I do.
So If you are a woman who is living with fear, I encourage you to take 1 step today. Tell the Lord how you feel and ask him to start to build your faith and help you trust. Ask him to bring it to your attention when you start to act in ways that are driven by fear instead of trust. He will allow you to see it and then he will help you change.
- It gave me compassion for the women around me who act this way. They most likely don’t even see the way they come across, and the truth is that they are only doing it because of deep wounds that you can’t see from the outside. They are not evil nags who want to punish their husband on a daily basis. They are afraid of feeling hurt again, and that fear drives them to do things they never thought they would. So let’s have grace for each other ladies. When we see these women, remember the times we have done the same things in effort to protect ourselves, and pray for these women! It is the most powerful gift you could ever give them.